Code Census Rap, yo

The emergency department at the Queen Elizabeth II Health Sciences Centre in Halifax was pretty busy back in early January. Every time they turned around they were calling Code Census to help clear the backlog of patients waiting to be admitted to a bed in the facility. That, in turn, was to make room for all the folks who were waiting to get into the ER itself.

Code Census is certainly not an ideal scenario for anyone involved, since it means sending people who need medical care out into the hallways on stretchers, in hope that some other poor patients who already have beds will get booted out of the hospital altogether, probably a little earlier than planned.

It’s all part of a system-wide bottleneck of resources for which there is no quick fix.

However, I’m going to suggest that, to a certain extent, we, the healthcare-guzzling public, the great unwashed and slightly sick-ish masses, are a fairly significant part of the emergency-backlog problem.

I’ve spent hours – probably totaling weeks – in the QEII’s emergency department, although I have to admit that I haven’t been there (silent thank you and knock on wood) since the department was revamped and the new building opened.

I know that sometimes – although certainly not all the time – some folks who aren’t experiencing a particularly urgent health issue decide that they should probably see a doctor. And some of these people think, “Hey, aren’t there a bunch of docs right in that building who could see me right away?”

If you’re one of these people, I would like to suggest that you visit your family doctor.

However, we all know that there are people in Halifax who don’t have a regular GP. In that case, I have three words, or two if we count a hyphenated word as one: walk-in clinic. There are convenient walk-in clinics all over this city. They take new patients, and anyone can just waltz in and be seen by a physician in a matter of hours – certainly fewer hours than would be spent hanging around the ER.

If you simply can’t decide how serious your problem is, not to worry. I’ve written a little “rap” to help clarify emergency healthcare for everyone. I think I’ve captured all the subtleties of the current health-care crisis here, and I will give ten dollars to the first person who records this and puts it up on YouTube. Until then, please imagine a nice backbeat, and me, in baggy clothes (per normal), busting a move while I spit this, yo:

Listen up, Halifax, if you’ve ever doubted
That the QEII Emerg is over–crowded
They’re calling Code Census like every day
And that means tons of patients stuck in the hallway.

So here’s what you should do if you’re feeling sick:
Take a moment to follow this little trick.
Ask yourself a question: am I gonna die?
Or is a big chunk of glass sticking out of my eye?
Am I bleeding profusely from an open wound?
Will my heart maybe stop if I don’t get there soon?

If the answer to these questions is maybe or no
Then a walk-in clinic’s where you ought to go.
That leaves the docs and nurses in emergency
For the people whose lives are at risk, you see.*

* Parody. Not actual medical advice.