Just Don't

I just happened to see a tweet flash by from a lifestyle magazine that promised to let me in on "12 Ways to Avoid Cancer."

Call me crazy, but I'm not so sure that a 12-step list can cover all the essential, but complex, information I might need to avoid something as involved as cancer, so I thought maybe I should draw up my own, common-sense list.

This one, I think, covers it:

Mombo's 12 Ways to Prevent Cancer:

1. Don’t Eat Anything
2. Don’t Drink Water, Especially Tap Water
3. Don’t Drink Booze
4. Don’t Drink Coffee, Tea, or Milk or Anything Else
5. Don’t Smoke Anything
6. Don’t Breathe Anything
7. Don’t Touch Anything
8. Don’t Paint Your Toenails, Your Room, Your House or Anything Else
9. Don’t Dye Your Hair, Your Clothing, Your Cat’s Fur, or Anything
10. & 11. Don’t Expose Yourself to Sunlight, Chemicals, Toxic Waste, Traffic Fumes, Electric Fields, Enclosed Buildings, New Carpets or Anything Else
12. Don’t Think, Don't Worry and Don't Get Stressed about Anything

There, 12 simple steps that you can follow in your everyday life.