The Jane Goodall of Traffic

In traffic, as in life, there used to be a few standard rules a person could count on: a stop sign or a red light meant, “Come to a full stop here, my good fellow.” And a yellow light meant, “Whoa, slow down, yo.”

But lately I’ve noticed – sharp-eyed trend-watcher that I am – that Haligonian drivers are running yellow lights, red lights and stop signs with rather disconcerting regularity.

I’ll admit that I occasionally drive through a yellow light myself, particularly if I feel that there’s a strong risk that my car will get rear-ended if I stop in a hurry.

That said, there are plenty of drivers who seem to see a yellow light as an invitation to speed up, and a stop sign as a vague suggestion to slow down. How do I know? Well, in the interests of science and journalism and good governance, I put on my invisible “special constable” hat, and went out onto the streets of Halifax to become the Jane Goodall of Traffic.

Now, I know that as good Canadians we’re not supposed to trust raw data anymore. Apparently, it’s best to just let some federal government spokes-type make vague assertions about “the way things are” and leave it at that. But you know me. I just don’t trust The Man the way I should.

So I parked my butt at the intersection of Oxford and Almon Streets at nine-thirty on a weekday morning to test out my traffic theories. Over the course of twenty minutes, I watched a dozen drivers gun it to make it through a yellow light, and saw six drivers more or less run a red light. My thesis was proving correct.

But I’d noticed that it wasn’t just traffic lights that people seemed to be barrelling through, so my notebook and I moved to the four-way stop at Harvard and Allan Streets. Perhaps “four-way STOP” is the wrong name for this type of intersection. In a twenty minute period I watched a mere nineteen cars (or 28%) come to a full stop. Twenty-nine cars (or 43%) slowed down a bit and then rolled right though the intersection. But another 28% barely touched the brake pedal at all, more or less driving straight through the stop sign. Rather amusingly, one of those non-stopping vehicles was actually a truck marked “Traffic Control Division.”

Anyway, my next stakeout was on the street that runs down past the Halifax Shopping Centre, between Bayers and Mumford Roads. Apparently, this street is called “Halifax Shopping Centre Boulevard.” Halfway down, there’s a three-way stop that intersects with the lower level of the parking garage.

It was here that I witnessed the most glaring offences of my entire scientific survey. Only 17% of the drivers I watched came to a stop at any of the three stop signs. Almost half - 48% - just touched the brake then rolled through. But most disconcerting of all, 34% - that was forty-seven drivers in twenty minutes – barely slowed at all, and most drove right through at full speed.

What, exactly, is the point of my Nobel-worthy research, you may ask? To provide proof of humanity’s further downward slide into amorality and corruption? Yes. Oh, and also to remind people to watch out for these goofballs. The police can’t be everywhere at once, so I think we could all benefit from being a little more watchful for these traffic anarchists.

And if you need a bit of happy government-style spin on my rather depressing findings, how’s this? “Halifax Drivers Going Green: Minimal Wear on Brake Pads Means Fewer Car Parts in Landfill.”