Scrubcheeking. You Heard It Here First.

You, my dear readers, are nothing if not constantly poised on the cutting edge of whatever fad is currently pinging around cyberspace. So I was pretty sure you’d be interested in this as soon as I saw the headline: “Be a rock star. Try sleevefacing.”

The so-called “social networking trend” that is “sleevefacing” involves “one or more persons obscuring or augmenting any part of their body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion.” That’s according to sleeveface.com. I’d define it a bit more precisely as “one or more stoned dudes hold album covers over their faces and find it hilarious.” Quick, get the camera.

Anyway, what I find so confounding about “sleevefacing” is that it’s simply someone’s privately goofy behaviour that’s been assigned a name – and has thus evolved into a website and a Facebook page with a few thousand members. And perhaps as importantly, one of the wire services has written a story about it, which has been picked up by newspapers, and bingo – it’s now a “phenomenon.” I have a name and a Facebook page, therefore I am.

So I guess in order to create a phenomenon, all you need to do is coin a term that represents your phenomenon - preferably a compound word that may or may not involve a pun. Like this one I read recently:

“Relax at home,” said the newspaper headline. “Enjoy your staycation.” A “staycation” would be, of course, a vacation where you stay at home. Get it? And it rhymes. Which makes it even more etymologically fabulous.

I can play this game. I see myself starting trendy behaviours which will catch on like wildfire. My verbal gymnastics will catapult me into cult-like status among fad-watchers and fashionistas.

Here’s how it will go down. First, every morning, likeminded thinkers will rise, and, as I do, start their day with a little bit of “spewsponging.” (I have a cat that hasn’t been feeling well lately, so there are usually a few puked-up surprises on the living room rug when I get up in the morning.) No longer will barf cleanup be a disgusting chore. Once it has a catchy name, it will be in vogue!

Next, we’ll make coffee and spend a few minutes “slurpcupping” before we hop in the shower for some “scrubcheeking.”

If we decide not to step onto the bathroom scales today, we will take a “weighcation.” If we take the day off for a religious holiday, we will call it a “praycation.” A little extramarital dalliance on the side will be referred to as a “straycation.” Or perhaps a “betraycation.” And skipping dance class will become a “swaycation.”

Grocery shopping will never be as dreary again, once we discover how cool it is to go “stocknoshing.” And if we need a little more retail therapy, perhaps we can head over to the mall for some “spendlaxing.” How hip are we?

The once-dull task of vacuuming the dog hair from the living room rug will take on the panache of the newly-christened activity known as “suckfurring.” This phenomenon might even have spin-off trends such as “shampooching” and “brushbitching.”

Okay, we’ve created the language – now let’s get out there and start using it! We’ll put this blog on the map as a hotbed of verbal trendification. Don’t forget to post pictures of yourself doing all these activities on Facebook. I’m off to set up the “scrubcheeking” page right now.