A World without Bags

It’s not that I’m being willfully ignorant, it’s just that I have a memory about as reliable as our mayor is proactive. So, even though I recently bought a couple of those unsightly re-usable grocery bags, I almost never remember to bring them into the grocery store with me when I get out of the car. In fact, most of the time I forget to even put them IN the car.

And it’s not that I don’t care about the environment and the future of the planet and all that, it’s just that … well, I find plastic grocery bags kind of …convenient. For carrying groceries. And for other stuff, too.

So the fact that one of the local grocery stores has gone “bagless” causes me some concern. I don’t mean a lot of concern. It’s not keeping me up at night, or anything.

I just don’t think I could live a completely plastic-bagless existence.

First of all, I hate being seen in public carrying those ugly re-usable bags around. Especially those big green flowered ones. Sure, you can carry a lot of stuff in them and (supposedly) throw them in the washer when they get dirty. Like I need more laundry to do. But since you actually own them and you have to take them with you into the store, they’re sort of a fashion accessory, and in that sense, they’re downright embarrassing.

Then there’s my pooch and her somewhat inconvenient need to poop twice a day. I know, there’s already been a ton of discussion on this subject. But listen, I’ve tried those biodegradable bags. And without getting into all the messy details, they’re kind of narrow, and they don’t work well for …larger dogs. As for a certain environmental group's advice to use paper bags (!!) …well, you guys first.

Also, I have an extremely arrogant and demanding kitty-cat whose litter needs to be scrupulously scooped daily into something that can be tied and tossed quickly, before one faints from inhaling the toxic fumes. I should also point out that if this litter is not cleaned fastidiously and often, this cat will pee directly out the door of the litter box, as a message to me, her horrible owner. So a reliable supply of grocery bags for this purpose is more or less essential.

Sometimes I re-use my grocery bags to haul my recently-read magazines over to the hospital so they can be delivered to the various waiting rooms – which, I might add, are usually in desperate need of fresh reading material. Do I get any points for re-using my plastic bags for good rather than evil?

And at any given time, there are various shopping bags in service around my house as storage containers for wrapping paper, craft supplies, summer clothes, nuts and bolts, clothespins, old comic books, photographs… you name it. Those bags are pretty darned versatile. I doubt that it would be better for the planet if I went out and bought a bunch of hard plastic containers.

Maybe inventive re-use runs in my family. My Uncle Jack refers to a plastic grocery bag as his “briefcase” and cheerfully totes his important documents around in one (generally known as a “Sobeys bag,” even if it’s from another store) whenever he has a meeting with some official or other.

I have also been known to make use of this system from time to time – until recently, when I managed to find a handy alternative – a $1 “courier bag” from the dollar store. So you see, you can’t say I’m not trying to be proactive.

Okay, I’m just being flippant here ...but I get a distinct sense that I’m probably not supposed to joke about this stuff. So don’t get your #2 HDPE and your #4 LDPE plastic bags all in a knot, okay? I am cutting back on my use of these bags. I’m just saying that if the whole city were to go plastic-less, I’d be in a bit of a…uh, sticky situation.

Anyway, must “environmentalism” and “sanctimony” always go hand in hand? All that righteous indignation out there is probably contributing to global warming, you know.

(This item was previously published in my weekly column, "Don't Get Me Started" in the HRM West Community Herald.)

Winter Drivers

It’s been a pretty tough winter so far. But for once in my life, I’m feeling pretty zen about the winter weather. This year, for some reason, I am not taking every snowstorm personally.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have to commute to work through it anymore. My everyday commute now involves shuffling my slippered feet around the corner from the kitchen and into my little home office. (I must be important – they gave me a corner office with a window!) Sure, I have to share with a wheezy old Labrador Retriever with gas issues and a snoring problem, but I guess that’s okay. Gives me someone to chat with over the water bowl, uh, cooler. Also encourages exercise, as it’s necessary to leave the room on a regular basis to get a little fresh oxygen.

Anyway, much of the time I’m able to avoid driving when the roads are really bad. Unfortunately, the other day I had to drive downtown for an appointment.

It was a slow and slippery ride, but I got there and back safely – no thanks to one heedless speedster in his SUV who didn’t mind tailgating me all the way up the street. It was pretty annoying. Surely, I kept thinking, it’s just common sense to adapt your driving style to the conditions.

Unfortunately, careful drivers can take all the care they like, but it’s the lowest common denominator – and a bit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time – that can mean the difference between a safe drive home and getting rear-ended at the next red light.

My SUV-guy brought to mind a few of the bad winter driving habits I’ve witnessed so far this year, and the attitude that seems to go with those habits.

Careless Winter Driving Attitude #1: All I need is a little peephole and I’m good to go.

You’ve seen this person too, no doubt. His or her car is covered in snow and all they’ve cleared before driving off is a tiny little hollow on the windshield. The side and rear windows – not to mention the majority of the front windshield – are still buried. Being able to see is, apparently, for chumps. Anyway, it’ll all blow off once they get going, right? Good luck if they pull out blindly in front of you, or if you’re behind them and a big honkin’ chunk of ice blows off right in your path.

Careless Winter Driving Attitude #2: I have four-wheel-drive so I can go as fast as I want.

Okay, it can be argued that these vehicles could have a bit of a traction advantage (in some conditions) over those without four-wheel drive (presuming they have four winter tires on the vehicle), but that doesn’t give these drivers license to create hazards for everyone else. Overconfident drivers who pull out in front of others as if conditions are normal create a braking hazard for the rest of us. Not to mention that they don’t have nearly as much control over their own braking as they seem to think they have. It can take up to twelve times further to stop on snow and ice than on dry pavement – and there are no special allowances for SUVs.

Careless Winter Driving Attitude #3: I have four-wheel-drive so you should go as fast as I want.

Here’s where my tailgater comes in. Look, if I’m going too slowly for you it’s because I’m driving at a speed I consider safe for the conditions. So BACK OFF. You aren’t going to get there any sooner by driving all up on my rear bumper. Also, I do not share your faith that you won’t come sailing through my back window when you hit that patch of black ice.

Putting all sarcasm aside for a moment (trust me, that’s hard for me to do), there are lots of sites with really good winter driving tips and actual useful advice if you’re interested in checking them out. The Canada Safety Council has information at safety-council.org/info/traffic/winter.htm .

Read up. You may still need these tips in July.

(This item was previously published in my weekly column "Don't Get Me Started" in the HRM West Community Herald.)

Please don't share

Let’s talk about germs.

I don’t like ‘em. I’m not particularly interested in them. And I’m really not interested in anyone else’s. Do you see where I’m going with this?

The other day I was shopping when a gentleman turned toward me and sneezed. Into the air. The air that I was breathing. Did he make any attempt to cover his mouth? No. Have you seen those science shows where they show how far and fast those droplets spew? Well, I have.

Sometimes when a stranger-sneeze happens right in my space I try not to breathe for a few seconds but then when I do, I just suck air in harder, so that probably just defeats the purpose.

Anyway, just for future reference, could I please make a suggestion, sir? Just, you know, cover your mouth? And not with your hand, because then you’re just going to touch something with your germy mitt. How about sneezing into your elbow next time? That would really be appreciated.

I know everybody probably thinks this is just common sense, but I’m constantly amazed by how un-common it is to see people actually covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze. And I’m talking adults here, although kids can be among the worst (and grossest) offenders.

I’m virus-phobic, and I admit it. But listen to this, I am not making this up. (If you’re eating breakfast while you read the paper, I heartily apologize.) A while ago I was taking a class and a thirty-something guy seated at the conference table next to me kept sniffling and sniffling. I was about to offer him a tissue when he suddenly put his hand to his nose and then blew his nose into his hand and then wiped his hand on the table. A grown man! An adult person! In public! I was speechless. And felt a little ill, needless to say. How is it that we’ve managed not to succumb to the pandemic when people behave like this in public spaces?

And while we’re on the subject of other peoples’ bodily fluids, I have a question. How many times in one day should a civilized person in a modern, progressive society have to listen to the sound of a man horking up a giant phlegm-ball and spitting it onto the ground behind her?

Because this weekend I had that delightful experience twice, and one of those times was coming out of that lovely upscale craft market. The other time was in the Wal-mart parking lot, so, OK.

I know the spitting thing isn’t exactly risky in terms of germ transmission, but it’s even more disgusting than the open-faced sneeze. But the most disgusting of all? Those people who blow their noses right onto the sidewalk. I mean, come on! I’m sorry I had to bring it up, but I’ve been forced to witness this way too often lately.

So what can I do to protect myself from such a careless world of mucous-loving virus-spreaders? Well, I went to the doctor and got myself a flu shot, so that’s something. And I wash my hands pretty often – especially when I come back home from the grocery store. And I carry a bunch of little vials of that hand-sanitizer stuff in my bag, and in my car. Short of wearing a mask, I’d say I’m doing just about all I can to keep myself from getting sick.

All I can ask is that others find it in their hearts during this cold and flu season to keep their germ-laden secretions to themselves. May I suggest a tissue?

(This post was previously published in my weekly column "Don't Get Me Started" in the HRM West Community Herald.)

Is it Me, or Are You All Just Lousy Drivers?

Have people forgotten all the rules they learned in order to get their drivers' licenses? I’m thinking maybe a little constructive criticism might be in order. You know, in the interest of promoting change. So here, in the spirit of enlightenment, are my top five everyday driving annoyances.

One. You’re waiting at a red light in the left-hand lane. Traffic can either go left or straight from this lane. You are not signaling and I am waiting behind you to go straight. The light turns green and now is the moment you decide you will put your left turn signal on. And I’m stuck behind you, since the right-hand lane is full of cars happily streaming by as they go straight. Why? Why do you not signal until you’re in the middle of the intersection? The turn signal is designed to let other drivers know what your intentions are. Special note to BMW drivers: it’s the little stick thingy to the left of the steering wheel.

Two. I am pulling up to the top of my street, which ends in a “T”-shaped junction. I’m about to turn right. You are cruising down the top of the “T” from my right and intend to turn onto my street. But you’ve started the curve of your left turn about 30 meters from where you intend to actually turn, so you are casually cruising right through the top of my lane as I arrive. You look surprised. “Other people drive here?” You make a big jerky (and I do mean jerky) correction around me, and look either sheepish or annoyed as you swerve. See you again tomorrow.

Three. You’ve just pulled up to a four-way stop. A few seconds later, I pull up to the same intersection. I wait for you to take your turn. You don’t. You have no idea what to do. Apparently you think you are just supposed to wait for everybody else. More people pull up. You refuse to move. I make eye contact, toot the horn, make a little wavy motion with my hand. Nothing. Now no one knows whose turn it is. We all start to go at the same time. Except you. You are still wondering why all these dang people have stopped when you’re the one with the stop sign.

Four. I am traveling, at a safe and cautious speed of course, straight through a green light. You come roaring up on the street to my right, keen to turn right, directly into my lane. You seem to have no intention of slowing down or coming to a stop or in any way yielding to the traffic that’s already in the intersection, even though you are facing a red light. And because you’re not even looking my way, I have to a) brake hard or b) swerve away from you. Dude, just because you know you’re probably going to stop doesn’t mean I know you’re probably going to stop. Because the other day, you didn’t, and you nearly ended up with three thousand pounds of Matrix in your face.

Five. You’re in a hurry, I know. But it’s rush hour and I am in the middle of a busy intersection, awaiting a chance to turn left. Only one car in my lane gets through every light, and it’s always on the yellow. Still, as you come toward me and notice that the light has changed, you opt to gun it and cruise straight through. I am left hanging, on the red, in the middle of the intersection. Perhaps karma later gives you a flat tire, or an upset stomach, or … I don’t know, a twinge of guilt. Perhaps not. Does karma really concern itself with commuters?