Floatable Flushables

One day when I was about 11 years old, my mother and sister cornered me in my bedroom, handed me a little booklet, and said, “Read this.”

“If you have any questions,” said my mother, tossing her head back as she glided out of the room, “ask your sister.”

The booklet was entitled “You’re a Young Lady Now,” and in a few short minutes of reading I was transported from the innocence of youth to abject fear of what, it appeared, would be a rather troublesome and technically challenging womanhood.

Oh, I had questions. This was, of course, the ‘70s, and at that time, the products that were available for girls entering womanhood mostly involved a complicated system of straps, belts, hinges, hoists, and winches, all of which hinted at the possibility that hydraulic lifts and a healthy supply of duct tape might be involved in daintily maintaining one’s dignity.

The reason I bring up my personal trauma is this: one of the first things I learned, before I even really needed to know it, was that most of this stuff was not meant to be disposed of down the toilet. It was to be delicately wrapped, and gently placed into the nearest trash receptacle, in a most demure and ladylike way.

Clearly, this is a message that bears repeating. Especially here. And especially now. I mean, now that Haligonians know that the screens are off and the solids that are going down the drains are ending up directly in the harbour again – can we really complain about some of these “floatables,” when we’re the ones doing the flushing?

I really think it’s up to us to think a little harder about what’s appropriate, and what’s inappropriate to flush – whether our sewage is being “screened” or not.

But the products I’m trying to discreetly refer to – OK, sanitary napkins and tampon applicators – may just be the tip of the iceberg when it comes to inappropriate flushing habits, and not just in our little ‘burg.

A UK website devoted to raising awareness about “Sewage Related Debris” claims that “over half the population admitted to flushing items down the toilet instead of putting them in the bin last year.”

Whether the stats would be comparable over here, I can’t say, but I think it’s fair to use this British survey as an example. And the site does offer some interesting insight into people’s reasons for tossing their trash in the toilet. It says, “17% of people are embarrassed about putting things like sanitary products and condoms in a bin, hygiene was an issue for 47% of people, 22% are concerned about the smell of 'messy' items such as (diapers).” But interestingly, most said they don’t feel guilty about their flushing habits and just see it as a convenient way to dispose of difficult items.

Convenience now, floatables later. Some of those frequently-inappropriately-flushed items included: sanitary products (including backing strips), cigarette butts, cotton balls, facial cleansing wipes, band-aids, medicines, toilet paper tubes, and string.

Less frequent, but more bizarre, items included bandages, polystyrene, plastic cups, incontinence pads, fast food containers, razor blades, colostomy bags, cloth, rope, metal, foam/sponge, glass, and pieces of wood.

I would submit that all of those things are also inappropriate to flush into our delightful harbour, although part of me thinks that if people are flushing glass, wood, and rope and getting away with it, that’s kind of impressive. But the other part of me still wants to smack people like that upside the head.

But, no, I wouldn’t - because that that would obviously be terribly unladylike.